HELP! Mealtime drama!

[KariW]

I am sick sick sick of eating dinner with my children. Just about every meal is a time for extreme drama with my son. He will barely feed himself. It is so annoying. He will take a bite or two on his own here and there but the rest of the time, he will not eat. Taking the food away from him and telling him he doesn’t get anything until the next meal doesn’t work. He just throws a tantrum when he isn’t given something to eat when he gets hungry later. How do we get him to eat ON OUR TIME so that we can avoid the regular tantrums when he is hungry at times other than mealtimes?

[KarenJ]

I found this great picky eater guide!

"Yuck! I'm not eating that." There's little more frustrating than trying to feed a picky eater. You know the kind: she turns her nose up at anything green. He refuses to even try your well-prepared meal unless it resembles macaroni and cheese. Whatever your child's food quirk, you're not alone.

According to Lola O'Rourke of the American Dietetic Association, it's perfectly normal for kids to be picky about what they eat. They're either asserting their independence by choosing the foods they like or simply teaching us about their unique hunger schedules. Here are nine tips to help you get your child eating.

Don't force them
"Kids really should be in control of how much they eat," says O'Rourke. Their hunger comes in ebbs and flows and forcing them to finish something when they're full teaches them to override their own hunger mechanism. You don't want to encourage them to think it's okay to eat more than they need or want to.

Hide the veggies
One of the easiest ways to get kids to accept a new food is to put a mask on it. Chop mushrooms, grate zucchini or add a few minced onions to their favorite spaghetti sauce.

Repeat exposure
It's rare for kids to like a food right off the bat, especially if it's a member of the vegetable family. "It usually takes 10 to 15 exposures to a food for a child to actually eat it and accept it," says O'Rourke. The best way to get your child to eat something new is to keep trying. The more they see the food, the more familiar it will become and the more likely they'll be to try it. Consider spacing out the exposures by a week or more so they don't feel like they're being bombarded.

Add new to the old
Always offer new foods with familiar and well-liked choices. That way children know they aren't being forced to eat something they're unsure of and may be more tempted to give it a try.

Be a good role model
As a parent, your children watch and mimic what you do (and eat), so make healthy food choices and finish your veggies in front of your kids. After all, how can you expect your child to try broccoli if you won't eat it yourself?

Get kids cooking
Not only is cooking a fun way to keep kids entertained, it also encourages them to try new things. Have kids wash vegetables, for example, stir the ingredients or add cheese on top of your casserole. "The more invested they are in the whole project, the more likely they are going to want to consume the outcome," says O'Rourke. Check out cooking-with-kids breakfast, lunch and dinner recipes for great ideas and delicious meals.

Visit a farm
Introducing kids to a farm or farmer's market will help them understand how fresh produce is grown, picked and eventually sold. "It isn't possible everywhere," says O'Rourke, "but whenever it is, it's a great way to get kids involved." Allow kids to choose which foods they'd like to buy. They're sure to leave with a new appreciation for their meals and more interest in eating. No farm nearby? Head to the grocery store and introduce kids to all the different types of fish, breads or produce, remember to explain where they come from.

Make food fun
What kid wouldn't rather eat dinosaur-shaped chicken fingers than the plain old stick kind? The better food looks, the more likely it is to be eaten. Try making a face out of your tuna salad (green pepper strips for hair, cherry tomatoes for eyes) or use cookie cutters for a more interesting-looking lasagna. "Younger kids really like to dip food into things," says O'Rourke, so consider teaming foods with dressings, salsas or dips. To help you get creative, try these five fun cooking-with-kids recipes: Crazy cupcake creations, Tortilla sushi wraps, Chocolate chip cookie pizza, Wonderful whole wheat pancake art and Hedgehog buns.

Watch drinks and snacks
"Make sure kids aren't eating too soon before a meal," advises O'Rourke, "or else they're not going to be hungry." She suggests keeping snacks small and serving them at least 1 ½ hours before mealtime. Toddlers are particularly prone to filling up on too much milk or juice, so watch that their intake doesn't exceed their daily requirements. At the same time, kids need to stay well hydrated so you may want to talk with your doctor to confirm recommended daily fluid intake.

[Crazy Canuck]

We are in the throes of this drama at our house. Last night, I did an experiment to see if it was about the food or just the drama and gave my daughter Mac 'n Cheese, which she loves. She STILL stalled all night long, refusing to eat.

We are now implementing a time limit. If she doesn't eat when everyone else does, she's done for the rest of the night and can't have a light snack or dessert (something she looks forward to). It's slowly motivating her but I don't think we'll wipe out the problem completely.

[KariW]

We went through this with DS only wanting certain things and I can tell you that catering to the child only worsens the problem. We finally had to only give him what we were having for dinner or nothing (I said I would NEVER do this as a parent) and he finally started opening up to trying things. We have gotten over that problem and he will eat a very wide variety of foods – just not by feeding himself. A three year old who won’t feed himself. SIGH Well, there are worse things…

[Kagey]

As my then-3-yr-old gave up naps, I went back to feeding him sometimes at dinner. I factored in how tired he was, that sort of thing. Just a little more than 4 now, he reliably feeds himself all the time.
My dd, who is 2 1/2, will start eating her dinner if I ask if I can have it. The catch is, when she says yes, I have to take a couple bites of hers to prove that I mean it!

[Kagey]

Another thing - my kids have eating days and non-eating days. My doctor says this is normal - that kids are usually more in touch with their hunger levels than adults. Some days my kids will eat 2-3 helpings, other days they barely touch the one serving I give them. This is normal, evidently, and now that I know it, I try to just keep an eye on them, making sure they have healthy stuff over the course of a couple days. (And making sure they're still going potty on a regular basis, too.)

It's tough, but you gotta hold the line on not snacking after dinner if they didn't eat it. That's the hard part.
We also have a rule that you have to stay at the table until we're all done, so getting down to play isn't an option.

Good luck! It's just a phase, right?

[Bubbys Mom]

I have found the perfect solution: I lock myself in the closet during dinner and then the only drama I see is my own.

[TrishDish]

I think Bubby's mom has found the perfect solution. Believe me, I have days when I want to do that!

[RoseKitty]

Personally I noticed that they normally mimic what parents do, so I would taking a bite of their food and trying to persuade them how yummy it is.

But it seems to me like it's an appetite problem.

Perhaps try switching mealtimes around, if you eat dinner at 5 or 6, try maybe 7 and see if he's hungry at later times.

Maybe he feels a bit intimidated by the servings you give him or feels he can't eat all that, this is an issue with my boyfriend's little brother for some reason. Try giving him a smaller portion and make seconds of the smaller portions readily availiable. If he asks for more of a portion, just tell him that he can have seconds after he's finished that one, or better yet, dessert. He may not need as big of a portion as you give him.

Also, do you feed him snacks during the day? LIMIT HIS SNACKS. Do not give him any snacks after 2:00 PM or 3:00 PM. This should help broaden his appetite for when dinner time comes around. Sometimes my sister has had issues for when the kids drink chocolate milk or eat even the littlest thing before dinner and then they won't eat (especially if it's something sweet I've observed). Limiting these and eliminating snacks before dinner time might help if other things have not yet worked.

If a child is thirsty after 2 or 3, do water or a light juice. Some juices are full helpings of vegetables and fruits so only do a little bit of juices or milks, as they might make him full. Sugary sodas and such are ALWAYS a big no-no in my book, and frankly, like I've said before, sometimes feeding them sweet things before dinner will make them not eat dinner. Sweet things should be for AFTER dinner.

He may throw tantrums if this is messing with his schedule, but frankly, he is messing with YOURS. So be firm, not overly strict but firm and assertive.

[TrishDish]

Great suggestions, everyone!